What If?

Last year, the Lord gave me some new challenges. I immediately rushed into the one I dreaded the most, making a video blog. I dug out an old camera, pushed the button, and quickly set it down on a stack of books on the table in front of me. When I played back the recording, I had a lovely video capturing my eyes and forehead.

I removed a few books and gave it another try.  My second attempt featured my nose, mouth, and neck. The third, my chest. Besides my obvious lack of skill the images were too dark, so I put the camera away for the day. The next day I decided to change both my location and my technique. So I grabbed my camera and went outside and held it in front of me. This time I succeeded at getting my whole face in the picture. But since I didn’t have a front facing camera, as I flipped the camera around, I also managed to video the sky, my feet, and a couple of trees. It was obvious that “speaking” in the video was not going to be my biggest challenge!

Since the message was about just getting out and doing what God has called you to do, I immediately downloaded the recording and sent it to a couple of people I trust for their input.

After receiving both positive and negative comments such as “try to smile more” and “get someone to help with the filming,” I stood in front of the mirror practicing smiling while talking (which only made me look demented) and prayed for God to send me help. Shortly afterwards, God sent me someone who said they would help me. They even had professional equipment. In my excitement I made a second outdoor video about taking a step of faith and trusting God to send us the help we need. Then I waited… and waited… and waited…and waited. While I was still waiting for my helper to clear time in her schedule, she moved to another state.

Even though I didn’t post the two videos on the internet, my step of faith in making them set a lot of things in motion, such as help with setting up a website and more material for a Bible study I teach. It also set in motion more revelation and healing from insecurities and old wounds.

Although I am very transparent with my family and friends, the thought of throwing myself out there (mistakes and all) on the internet, feels like jumping off of a cliff without a parachute, wondering what pieces of my self image will be left intact when I hit the bottom.

Maybe that is why this past 6 months whenever I have been concerned about what others think about me, God has been telling me, “Get over yourself!”

A couple of weeks ago, He took me a step further. I was at a leader’s training seminar for AGLOW International. As I was walking down a hallway during a break, I heard in my spirit, “Enjoy yourself! I want you to enjoy yourself because I enjoy you!”

Later on in the day, God spoke to my heart, “What if you didn’t care about what anyone thought about you?”

That’s a big “What if?”

I thought about the years during which I hated myself. I thought about the incredible revelations and subsequent healings with which God has blessed me that have changed both my heart and my identity. (For the most part I really do like myself now.) Then I thought about the insecurities that arise whenever God takes me into something new. I realized that although I am not where I want to be, Thank the Lord, I am also nowhere near where I used to be.

As I continued to ponder the “What if?” one word came to mind-FREEDOM! If I truly didn’t care about what other’s thought about me, I would have the freedom to get over myself, enjoy God more, and to enjoy who God has made me to be. I would also be free to move mightier in my purpose and accomplish ALL God has for me to do.

I’ve had glimpses of this kind of freedom and have even taken a few short flights.

Now I want to soar in it!

I might not be there yet, but I am definitely on the way!

As my next step I was going to post the first outside video I made-mistakes and all, but I couldn’t get it to load so I took a pick of it instead.:)

May the Lord bless us all with the freedom to soar!

John 8:36 “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (NIV).1 Peter 2:9New Living Translation (NLT)

“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests,[a] a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9).

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

Have a blessed day!

Jeannie Diane


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