Psalms 86:6 – “Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer: And attend to the voice of my supplications. In the day of my trouble I will call upon You, for You will answer me (NKJV)
Yesterday, I was sharing a story from a dark season in my life…I was lying in a hospital bed praying to die. Before you read on let me clarify that up until that particular night, although a Christian, I was of the belief that God was somewhat wimpy, distant, silent, and far away.
So to take up where I left off….
Now being fueled by the turmoil stirring inside of me, I began to demand that God kill me. Please understand, I do not believe that God goes around killing people, but at that time I really wanted Him to take my life.
But as I inwardly shouted for death, another thought suddenly came to mind. “If God were big enough kill me…then…maybe…just maybe… He was big enough to heal me!”
That is when my entire focus was redirected, and the cry of my heart changed course. “OK…If you are God,”I challenged, ” then heal me! Just heal me!”
Now, I bet you are thinking that all the sudden I raised up out of my bed miraculously healed and went on with my life…but that is not exactly what happened.
Actually far from it. For there in the midst of my crying out, I heard a voice so loud, it was almost audible, speak to my heart as a wave of peace flooded my room. “Diane, if it were meant to be that way, you would not learn what I have for you to learn. Trust me!”
Hearing God in such a way not only rocked my “God doesn’t speak to people these days”, theology but it ushed me into a whole new season of learning and growth as I later learned that my Wednesday night Bible study was praying for me at that exact time.
And I can honestly say that from that night on, the fuel that ran my engine was not of me… for greater is He that is in me …And although I still faced the mountain that loomed before me, I did it with a new resolve and a new motto. For instead of “I think I can!”, I begin my assent chugging “I know He will! …I know He will!…I know He will!
And He did!
I could write an entire book about the years that followed. There were many struggles and victories as I learned to rely solely on the Lord. I do want to mention; however, that after a four-year battle I did receive my physical miracle and stepped into a brand new life. My mother was miraculously healed six months later. Every time I see her I rejoice in the goodness of the Lord. For someone who was not expected to live past her forties, she sure is going strong at seventy- five.